How I Know.

NOTE / WARNING: This is NOT a typical post for me. It isn't funny. It mostly rambles about how I came to know certain things that mean the most to me. I thought about not posting it once I got done writing it, but since only 4 people will ever read my blog I figured it was ok. Just skip it if you don't like churchy stuff.

So it's now after 5:00am and I'm still wide awake. I've pretty much thrown in the towel on getting any sleep tonight and thats fine. My brain won't be quiet and I'm pretty sure my heart and my stomach have combined into one 'super organ' that doesn't really do either job correctly. Like I can feel my heart beating in my stomach and I feel hungry in my chest. Maybe I'll get that checked sometime.

But instead of lying in bed and not sleeping some more, I thought I would do something productive. I got onto lds.org and combed through every talk that was given in General Conference during my mission (2004-2006) that had the word "testimony" in it. It was a lot to look through, but I've been meaning to do this for a couple years now to try and find something important to me. Every General Conference has several amazing talks that stand out and inspire me, but I can only think of 3 specific talks that have struck me to my absolute core. The first was on my mission while I was still in the Dominican MTC. It was given by Elder Holland and directed only to missionaries. I don't remember word for word what he said, but what hit me so hard was when he talked about testimonies. He said that we needed to know the church was true like a literal fire was burning in our soul. And if we didn't have that, we should get on our knees and pray until we did. That night I waited for my companions to doze off, kneeled down on my bed, and begged my Heavenly Father for that kind of testimony. Rarely in my life have my wants and needs become so uniquely focused as they were during that prayer. I've never doubted that God answers prayers, and I think I was expecting my answer to this one to be like a brilliant flash of light. What came was a simple comfort that I was doing just fine, and that my testimony was strong enough to do the work I had been called to do. No big flash of light and no angelic visitations. Feeling that calm was the answer I was meant to receive, but I don't think it made me stop expecting a dramatic ensign-worthy moment of enlightenment. I spent the next year of my mission half-waiting for that big moment, until I heard the next talk that changed my life.

This is the talk that I had been looking for on lds.org tonight. It was given in April of 2005 by Boyd K. Packer and can be found by clicking HERE. This talk helped me learn more about the strength of my own testimony than anything else I had ever read. Everyone talks about how certain Apostles seem like they are talking straight to them personally...well this one was mine. Here are the portions specifically that still stick with me, 6 years later, as I lay in bed unable to sleep:

  

When I first read the Book of Mormon from cover to cover, I read the promise that if I “would ask God, the Eternal Father, in the name of Christ, if [the things I had read were] true; and if [I would] ask with a sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ, he [would] manifest the truth of it unto [me], by the power of the Holy Ghost” (Moro. 10:4). I tried to follow those instructions, as I understood them.

If I expected a glorious manifestation to come at once as an overpowering experience, it did not happen. Nevertheless, it felt good, and I began to believe.
...
If I had expected in my little-boy innocence some special spiritual experience, it had not happened. Over the years as I listened to sermons and lessons and read in the Book of Mormon, I began to understand.


...
My experience has been that a testimony does not burst upon us suddenly. Rather it grows, as Alma said, from a seed of faith. “It will strengthen your faith: for ye will say I know that this is a good seed; for behold it sprouteth and beginneth to grow” (Alma 32:30). If you nourish it, it will grow; and if you do not nourish it, it will wither (see Alma 32:37–41).

Do not be disappointed if you have read and reread and yet have not received a powerful witness. You may be somewhat like the disciples spoken of in the Book of Mormon who were filled with the power of God in great glory “and they knew it not” (3 Ne. 9:20).

I knew that this talk was given for me. I had spent so much time waiting for a grand vision to prove to myself that I knew this church was true. The reality was that I knew all along. I've known since I was a child. I didn't need to see an angel to know, like a literal fire in my soul, that everything I had learned my whole life was real. Boyd K. Packer, an APOSTLE OF GOD, got his testimony the very same way I did. Nothing wrong with that. Since that day I have stopped waiting for an epic experience to "kick start" my testimony. I've tried instead to build it piece by piece, just doing a little bit every single day. I can say without hesitation now that I know that Jesus is my Savior. I know that Joseph Smith was his prophet. I know that the Book of Mormon is real. It doesn't matter how many internships I don't get, or how many social situations I mess up, or how many nights I lay awake just being mad at myself. God has a plan for me. He loves me despite the fact that I am flawed and He will never lose hope. These last few days have taught me that it doesn't matter what I don't know (which is a LOT). What matters is what I do. It's the things I know that I won't ever be able to ignore. It's the things I know that make me happy. And thanks to talks like these, I know those things like a fire in my soul. And not just a normal fire either. That special magical fire from Harry Potter that keeps growing forever and looks like a dragon. THAT kind of fire.

Twilight.

Totally stole this from my friend Ashley's blog, but it made me laugh. Here is a completely accurate retelling of the entire Twilight saga in just 4 seconds...



And in this version of the story we don't have to sit through any of Bella being the dumbest girl on the planet! Everybody wins!

Poll Results.

So my first ever "Waste Time Here" side-bar poll has now ended, and it's official: watching a WNBA basketball game is worse than cutting off your own arm. The actual results of the poll can be clearly seen off to the right of the main page. So cowboy up Aron Ralston, there are worse things in life than self amputation.

Poetry In Lyrics.

I love music. I spend way too much money on it. When I get a new cd, I enjoy reading the lyrics from the booklet as I listen to the songs (which is why I still insist on buying a hard copy cd of all my music). I strongly believe that music (and the lyrics contained within the song) can be viewed as a high form of poetry. If I decide that I really like a song, its usually because there is a verse or some lines of poetry in there that strike a chord with me. Sometimes listening to an old song and remembering lyrics once forgotten feels like seeing an old friend that I haven't seen for a while. So I decided to make a quick list of lines/phrases/verses of poetry found in my music library that for one reason or another stood out to me. That "quick list" soon grew to contain almost 40 entries after just one scan of my library. So here is an abbreviated version of that list that I narrowed down to 10.

All because of you,

I believe in angels,

Not the kind with wings, no not the kind with halos,

The kind that bring you home,

When home becomes a strange place,

I'll follow your voice,

All you have to do is shout it out.

If I was a simple man, would we still walk hand in hand?

If I suddenly went blind, would you still look in my eyes?

And what happens when I grow old?

And all my stories have been told?

Will your heart still race for me?

Or will it march to a new beat?

Who do you want to forget?

Who forgot you long ago?

...You make breaking hearts look so easy,

seems like you've done this before.

 If you're an ocean then,

I want to jump right in,

If you're a hand grenade then,

I'll pull the pin.

It kills me not to know this but I've all but just forgotten,

What the color of her eyes were,

Or her scars and how she got them,

As the telling signs of age rain down a single tear is dropping,

Thru the valleys of an aging face that this world has forgotten.

The wind died, The whole world ceased to move,

Now so quiet, Her beating heart became a boom,

We locked eyes,

For just a moment or two,

She asked why,

I said I don't know why, I just know.

Wake up, everyone,

It's not too late,

To save the remnants of,

our hearts, so stop giving up,

our last shot at love,

our only chance to find the meaning of,

the beat beneath the blood.

Come what may,

I won't abandon you or leave you behind,

Because love,

 Is a loyalty sworn, not a burning for a moment,

Come what may,

I will be standing right here by your side,

I won't run away, 

Though the storms getting worse,

and there's no end in sight.

Let me light up the sky,

Light it up for you,

Let me tell you why,

I would die for you,

Let me light up the sky,

Light it up for you,

Let me make this mine,

I'll ignite for you.

All you big shots that swagger and stride with conceit,

Did you devise how your frame would be formed?

If you'd be raised in a palace, or live out in the streets,

Did you choose the place or the hour you'd be born?

Tell me what can you claim?

Not a thing, not your name!

Tell me if you can recall just one thing,

That's not a gift in this life?

If there's one thing I know in this life:

We are beggars all.

I know that there's a difference between sleight of hand,

And giving everything you have,

There's a line drawn in the sand,

I'm working up the will to cross it and,

I hope that I will never let you down.

I speak in many tongues with many men,

Argue with angels and I always win,

But I don't know the first thing about love.

Ok so maybe 12 entries. I really wish I had the talent to make poetry like this, much less any music to accompany it.  For now though I guess listening to my favorite songs on repeat will have to do. And maybe thats why I like finding new music so much. I never know when I'll find another song that 'clicks' and I can add it to my list.

Good Music Monday.

Before jumping in my car for another 20+ hour drive, I thought I would post a song I've been replaying over and over again on youtube. This comes from my favorite band Thrice, but its an acoustic version of a song that will be on their next album. Listen, enjoy, and be glad you're not sitting in a car for the next day.

Interesting side note: The band wrote this song by pulling lyrics from other songs throughout their career. I think theres at least one line taken from all seven of their other albums. Love it.

Weird Russian Guy.

I stole this from my friend Eric, and I gotta be honest...this video made me literally laugh out loud and I have no idea why. A lot of stuff I think is funny doesn't actually make me laugh out loud, but this one made the cut. Theres just something special about this guy. Bonus points if you watch the entire thing without skipping ahead!!

I like to think of him as the guy that everyone is friends with in the neighborhood but that no one really trusts. Like I doubt I would let him borrow any tools or anything no matter how nicely he asked. And if he came over to get a cup of flour or something I would make him wait on the front porch while I got it for him. Like I think I would go to a bbq at his house, but only if it was an outdoors bbq. I'm pretty sure he would be the guy at a party that is really bad at charades, most likely because he doesn't really understand the rules. And when you explain the rules he nods his head and says he gets it...but you both know he's confused. And he's prolly the kind of guy that walks REALLY slowly when he goes outside to check his mailbox, which he does three times a day even though everyone knows the mail doesn't come 'til 4:00.

He strikes me as that kind of guy.

Tips For Success.

My brother Taylor showed my a website called Grouchy Rabbit which has a bunch of tips for success. So I decided to post some of my favorites and start living by them every single day. Maybe then I can stop being so homeless. Also, here is a picture of a bear surfing on a shark:

That picture doesn't really have anything to do with anything, but I thought it was pretty cool and I wanted this post to have a picture. So anyways, here are the tips to success:

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away... but only if you throw it really, really hard.

Occasionally think "I know you can read my thoughts," just in case.

Before you insult someone, always walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you insult them, you're a mile away and have their shoes.

Instead of giving your significant other flowers to watch die, send flowers to your enemy with a note that reads, "You're next!"

If a girl doesn't seem interested in you, you're not wearing enough Axe.

While being mugged, shout "Swiper no swiping!"

Never hit a man with glasses. To be effective, hit him with something much bigger and heavier.

Never mess with a Sicilian when death is on the line...

And there you have it. Sure fire ways to get you a new/better job/spouse. I'm SO going to be rich/attractive to others some day!

Puppy Pictures.

There are three things that everyone in this world loves without question: a good meal, a good nap, and looking at pictures of baby animals. So be a human being and look at this video...

WINDS OF CHANGE!!!!

Good Music Monday.

I don't know when I'm going to get married, but I'm pretty sure this song will be played at the wedding:

I just recently found out about this band (He Is We) and I'm already hooked. If you're bored and liked this song, you should look up the rest of their stuff on youtube. I would recommend all of it.